An experiment in free speech: The CNN/YouTube Duncan Hunter blooper

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Well I done went and did it again. I couldn’t help myself though; Duncan Hunter made it so damn easy. We are now going to find out whether or not we have free speech in this country, either that or just how powerful both political parties are at squelching common dissent. I am expecting flying bots, whirling political operatives, and various other sorts of subterfuge.

I just posted this video on Youtube, and as of this moment not one single person has spoken out yet about the error, the egregious mistake that Duncan Hunter made last night in the CNN/YouTube Republican debate. Frankly any politician who did make a comment on it would open himself or herself up to further questioning; answers that they would rather avoid. The best way to silence this affair is to do everything possible to attempt to squelch and ignore this video with all that they have.

I’m not shocked by anything anymore, and I am not sitting here terrified, awaiting the response, or the swell to the response, or the deleting of accounts, I am just gonna sit back and watch. If you want entertainment, sit back and watch yourself.

Break out the popcorn, Papas’ brought home a new movie.

Update: I would really like to thank Steve Corbett of WILK for allowing me to pimp this video on his show today. I would also like to thank him for actually watching the video, something most hosts are usually slacking on. It isn't that big a deal but I would also like to thank YouTube for hanging this one on me:




Considering the topic, it's amazing. I will keep pimping this till the RNC and the DNC collectively puke.

Another special message for Sergey Brin

If everyone will forgive me for one more post, I’ve really gotta stop and say something that is not funny at all to Sergey Brin. Sergey, you guys have done a wonderful job pumping the cash into YouTube. It helped clean up a lot of the pornography that was rampant at the time you purchased it, and cut down the access those children have to pornography. That deserves some kudos for those efforts.

There is however, still a rather large set of problems with YouTube, and some of it you can easily address, while I must admit there are a few things that are beyond even your grasp. First, that which you can do little for…Yesterday, I had a little conversation with the good people on this site, some real lucky people who just scored a featured video spot on YouTube’s front page. I sat and watched what could have been a wonderful thing for them, fall apart and crumble into ashes, no make that a morass of the indecency, that has become status quo for humanity. I saw it with my own eyes Sergey. Yes I have too much time on my hands.

One thing these people did not do was turn off the ability of viewers to vote. That option is available, and they did not choose to use it. As a result, their video was mercilessly slagged, and was gutted of any long-term usefulness that having a highly rated video with so many hits could garner for them. Personally, after a few hours have passed, thus allowing my subscribers to vote, I turn the damn voting option off. Roger Ebert at least has the decency to discuss a film in detail when he’s about to kill it with a one star rating. Youtubers give you a nice “gay” comment, then vote one star. Worse, people are paying good money to see these films in theaters. These people pay zip to watch videos on YouTube.

While I seriously doubt you can do anything about this problem, the use of profanity, which is scrawled all over every single video that appears on the front page, that maybe you can do something about. Perhaps a profanity filter, other people use them with varying degrees of success. With the billions involved in Youtube and Google, one would think you guys could scrape up the dough, and try to filter out some of this detritus. You have children wondering around YouTube. Little children. How much could it possibly hurt to try Sergey? GoFish used one, and you could still search by the offending word, but it would not show in the titles or comments.

Regarding their hatred, the racial hatred, the two-party system hatred, the religious hatred, the "my mommy and daddy have neglected and abused me all my life" hatred, I know you guys can’t do anything about that. Frankly, I do not want you to, because I would like for all of us to be able to see just how deep the divisions are in this country. I tried to tell people for two years, that all we are lacking is one major economic crisis, and then this country is on the verge of a Civil War. This is not to diminish concerns over just how pathetic the state of parenting is in this country either.

No Sergey, please leave all that hatred up, and just maybe people will wake up before the (expletive) hits the fan।

वी अरे अल फुच्केद

Pull my फ्रिक्किन finger

I vote for the movies that I think are best. I run out and buy the DVD. It’s a system that never fails, as I always wind up with something that I can truly appreciate. I not only get what I voted for, but I receive a value for my vote, and there is a guaranteed value promised in my future.

You might not like what I voted for but at least one of us is getting a value in return. You may have voted for something that I would never even consider, but with your purchase, in essence with your vote, you too receive something of value in return for your vote.

Somehow I began to compare this business of buying movies on DVD to our present-day political process. I think it all began with this post. Some of us vote for a candidate that many others would choose not to. Then there are those who vote for candidate that we ourselves would refuse to pull the lever for, even under the threat of physical violence.

One way or another, somebody wins and maybe a large number of people chose not to vote for them, but somebody wins. The only real difference is that in the case of DVDs, both the voter and the voted for come out the other side of the deal with a win. In the political process, the person that does the voting winds up on the short end of the stick. It does not matter whether they voted for, or against the winner, they lose.

I wonder if it is not possible that many of us have misjudged the political process. Perhaps it’s incorrect to presume that the political process should be entertaining. Maybe there is something else that the political process is supposed to do, besides just purely providing us with entertainment. I’m not really sure what that alternative actually should be, but I’m beginning to suspect that it might be possible that we could have been taking the political process far more seriously than we have been.

Maybe there is something we can read, written by somebody who set this whole political process up in the first place. I’m figuring that person was, you know, really smart and stuff, and they probably wrote like something down somewhere. Maybe it explains how all this stuff is supposed to work. If anybody knows anything about this, could you please tell me where I could find this sort of information?

I think it’s fair to say that I’m not really amused anymore.

वी बीज फुक्केद

A safe and happy Thanksgiving to all.

Anyone who was a regular reader at Less Idiots knows that I pretty much shut everything down during Thanksgiving. Despite all losses incurred around this time of year, I still manage to take the time to acknowledge and be grateful for those who are still with us. If you noticed, I did not say that I try to be thankful for all the things that I have. Things are totally meaningless in the end anyway. I have said this numerous times, that you never see a U-Haul following a hearse.

Before I check out, time for a momentary bit of gloating. Roughly a week ago, I posted the announcement of Larry Page’s impending wedding. I could not help but notice that the national media broke the story only yesterday. Once again, I will not receive acknowledgment for beating them to the punch. I am sure that it is purely coincidence, but every time that this happens, somehow Larry Page is involved. This continual snubbing fails to trouble me any longer, as I truly do not give a damn about the national media, as they are all complete frauds anyway. I’m just thankful that at least I realize that now.

To each and every one of you, I hope you have a very safe, moderately sane Thanksgiving. Take a good look at the people who are around you, the ones that truly matter, and be grateful that they are still there.

I will drop by to see everybody next week. Hope you are still there.



सीय

Two girls one cup and a special holiday message for Sergey Brin

Well I promised there would be at least one more video, possibly two, and then I would cool it. This would be the second video and it is brand spanking new. It is titled “Two girls one cup”, and yes it’s about that really nasty video of two girls loving each other, and making homemade fudge, if you know what I mean, and it may perhaps be the most disgusting video I’ve ever seen.

What is really shocking about this video is not that people would watch it, because all humans are born “rubber-neckers”. No what is really shocking about this film is that anyone would be really shocked about this content. If there is a person out there with some sort of strange fetish; there are probably thousands if not millions of people who want to watch it.

Truthfully, I really wasn’t that shocked or appalled, but that has more to do with just how entirely strange both of my parents were while I was growing up. Neither one of them really bothered to hide it, so you could safely say that there’s very little that surprises me. That’s said, I think my response to “Two girls one cup”, was entirely appropriate, if not effective. I guess history will be the one that gets to determine that, one way or the other.

By the way I must leave you with a heartfelt congratulation to Larry Page, (even though Sergey Brin is my favorite, I’ve always felt kind of sorry for Larry Page, and I really can’t tell you why) as Larry is about to get married to what appears to be a very intelligent, and in my humble opinion, beautiful lady.

You go boy.

*A special holiday message for Sergey Brin. Sergey, I really, really like the breadcrumb trail I am on right now, and I am hoping the crumbs only keep getting bigger. Knowing well this is a two-way street, although my side is much more narrow, I just gotta say, Sergey, God bless you man, for not letting pictures of you and the Missus in the prone position find their way onto the web. You have my eternal gratitude for that.

Special फुच्किंग holiday video

Yes hell has frozen over. I am back on YouTube.

I thought I would go ahead and make a big deal out of my return to YouTube. Yes sports fans, I am back although substantially de-fanged and I also had my claws removed, but I am in fact finally back amongst the storied elite. My lips are completely sealed and will remain so as to why I finally was allowed back.

To herald this announcement I have compiled a brand spanking new video, just in time for the holidays. You know that important part of the year where we ignore other people’s sensitivities, as well as bow to the gods of retail in one massive salute to crass commercialism.

I have also moved a few of the oldies back up, and pretty much all have been remixed and reedited. When you are completely bored to tears you can click on the “hell has frozen over” link on my sidebar and torment yourself with the rest of my videos. I’m probably going to feature one or two right off the bat, but I will try and avoid turning this into some sort of video blog, as there are already more than enough of those.

Any of you good people who happened to participate with your comments in the post that preceded this one are already familiar with the star of this new video:

Speedy the wonder turtle.

हैप्पी क्वान्ज़ा

There are those फुच्किंग known unknowns you know?

Gerald Ford was a reasonably bright man, but he had a manner, a way of minimizing his intellect. I had the pleasure of meeting him once, and after the meeting my father asked me what I thought of him. I can remember telling my father that he came across as a bit dopey, but that I had to respect just how far he had come in spite of this. All I can remember my dad saying was something about how he didn’t think Ford had achieved his status out of “purely dumb luck”.

I remember thinking the same thing after meeting Bill Clinton. The only difference was you could clearly see why Clinton had come as far down the road as he had. The guy made you laugh, whether he intended for you to laugh or not. My only guess is that Ford just wasn’t funny enough to merit the second term Clinton received. Then again, it may have had something to do with that other funny guy, Ross Perot.

Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think that comedians and humorists have any greater talent than the rest of their fellow humans, save one thing:

Really funny people, notice really stupid stuff, faster than anyone else.

That noise you heard as Bill Clinton was leaving the tarmac, the very moment George Bush started warming up the Oval Office, that was the sound of comedians jumping out of imaginary windows in very tall buildings. Most of these people presumed that the White House was not going to be providing a steady flow of material for them anymore. Had it not been for the attack on the World Trade Center, it would have been immediately recognizable that these metaphorical suicides were completely premature.

Perhaps one of the greatest tragedies of all times, at least from the perspective of comedians, was the loss of the veritable laugh-riot that this current administration could have been. All of which was dampened, and partially muzzled by the overly shocking, as well as thoroughly depressing events that began on September 11, 2001. This created an environment that lasted for several years, where it became a challenge for any of us to laugh for very long. By now, most Americans have come to realize that the guy who was supposed to keep us all in stitches was instead, actually trying to run the government.

Oh how it makes me wonder when will the time come when fish and men learn to peacefully co-exist?

What a comedy festival it would have been.

देसिदर

just a cost of doing business

It is most likely that one would not even accidentally reflect upon Helga, but especially not sitting in the gynecologist’s office waiting to hear the results of your blood test. However Becky, who went by the name of Harmony Felicity at night on the streets of Berlin, had an intimate understanding of what life would have been like for Helga if only Hans Barringer had properly connected his pigtails to his trailer on that cold rainy night.

Even as early as the age of three Helga had desired to grow up and be an illusionist. She knew this might mean an eventual apprenticeship working with David Copperfield where she had a more than reasonable chance of being sexually molested. Not surprisingly, this concern carried little weight with Helga as her own family had passed her around like a casserole dish at family reunions almost as soon as she ventured out of diapers.

Helga would meticulously map out every sleight-of-hand, storyboarding every detail of each one of her routines, right down to the whiskers on the rabbits that she would pull out of hats. By age six, if you listened closely, and very late at night, you could hear Helga sawing additional trap doors into the floor of her bedroom. Helga would make her toys disappear, she made her friends disappear, she even made her little brother disappear, but try as she might, Helga could not make the adult male members of her family disappear. As such, whenever David Copperfield entered Helga’s mind, she simply wrote him off as a cost of doing business.

Dr. Adalbert Noftzinger considered the magazines that he ordered from Helga in much the same manner, just a cost of doing business. Noftzinger had but just a few torn and tattered back issues of Sports Illustrated magazine, and one issue of Newsweek that no longer possessed it’s cover page for his clients to read while they were awaiting their visit with their doctor. Now Harmony was able to enjoy the current month’s issue of Redbook, just one of the many subscriptions Noftzinger had ordered when Helga made a cold call on his office.

Ironically, Dr. Noftzinger’s substantial order caused a considerable delay in Helga’s departure, a delay that most likely was the next to the last nail in her own coffin. When Helga finally crammed herself back into that van with the other twelve teenagers who were also runaways, her thoughts drifted back to her newest routine that she had been carefully diagramming in her notebook. Chances are Helga was still sketching in her book in her final moments.

The driver of the van that was packed with those runaways never actually saw the semi truck as he swerved in the rain to avoid hitting a rabbit scurrying across the road. The truck’s driver Hans Barringer, had been distracted by a prostitute at the last rest stop, and as a result, failed to notice that all of his taillights were not working. Hans had pulled off onto the shoulder to try and fix the problem after being flagged by another driver.

The driver of the van lost control and collided with the rear of Barringer’s truck, slicing off the top half of the van as well as the heads and the futures of twelve teenagers and the head of it's driver. The wind then caught and scattered the pages of Helga’s sketchbook, and the pages began to dance about the tops of a barley field near the road. Slowly the rain began to saturate the sketches, and as the ink started to run, the pages themselves weighed down by the rain, settled into the cold wet dirt of the barley field.

Harmony would never know the story behind the magazine she read as she waited for Dr. Noftzinger to provide her with the results of her blood test. She did however enjoy the article about the positives and negatives of utilizing wicker in floral arrangements. The momentary distraction that Redbook provided Harmony was quickly forgotten after her consultation with the doctor. Now Harmony had to figure out whether or not she should tell the fifty-three members of the Bundestag who were her steady clients, that she was infected with a roaring case of genital herpes.

Editor’s note: Normally, I will not write something that exceeds 500 words unless cold hard cash is involved, but a good online friend of mine, the writer behind The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy, has just recently gone through his own little personal private hell. I thought I would comply with an open request of his with the hopes of letting him know that everything is going to be OK.

A message for Larry Page and Sergey Brin

You fellows may not remember this, but way back when you were fighting cockroaches in your dorm room for scraps of Pop tarts, I had a reasonably successful business running, and I utilized your fairly brilliant search algorithm on one of my web sites. Things went well for all, although things went one hell of a lot better for you guys.

Fast-forward to one year ago about this time of the year, and I’m fighting cockroaches for scraps of Pop tarts and attacking YouTube with all the fervor of a Chihuahua on steroids. Their advertisers were reenacting a scene from the Titanic and abandoning ship within seconds after they got a phone call from me.

Meanwhile you two, and virtually every other media conglomerate on the planet were salivating all over YouTube with the intentions of adding it to your own corporate redneck version of washing machines on the front lawn. You must have loved it when Chad Hurley and Steve Chen came to your office with their hat in hand. They had no choice but to sell out, and sell out fast and cheap. Like at least a half a billion clams cheaper.

You guys knew the only money they had coming in was from the advertisers, the very same ones that I was peeling away faster than Republicans abandon one of their own who is caught doing dance routines in a public restroom. Chad, or as I lovingly refer to him “Chud”, was under so much pressure to keep the doors open he had no choice but to unload his little contraption into your laps for a bargain-basement price.

Larry and Sergey, for you two guys to cut me a check with with a prime number followed by seven zeros on it would be an outright violation of several trade laws and it would immediately have the Securities and Exchange Commission crawling right down your throat, or more likely utilizing the other entrance. That said, if anyone ever deserved a tiny slice of the pie you guys are munching on now, that would most definitely be me.

I am however trying to get several movies off the ground right now and the funding required is somewhat similar to the cost of running a U.S. Senate race. I do have the equivalent of a gold plate with felt covering in the bottom that I will be happy to pass around the both of you. This will simultaneously allow you to circumvent any repercussions that might result from the appearance that you were rewarding me for seeing to it that you got YouTube for fire sale prices, as well as massaging your conscience by allowing you to make an investment that actually feels like a charitable contribution.

As a side bonus, while I do have my standards and scruples, it is very unlikely that I’m going to attack my executive producer for his behavior in his dealings with the Chinese. Just a little something for you nice gentleman to think about. If you actually do send an email, use my Yahoo account, as it should be easy to obtain as a fair number of your mid-level managers have it in their address books.

If that is too steep for you, a couple bags of Doritos and a case or two of cheap wine will do.

The rest of the फुच्किंग story

Hello Canadians and Americans…This is Paul Harvey. You already know what the news is…
Now you’re going to hear…. the rest of the story.

Having trouble getting sleep at night? Well folks, I have something I think may just help you out with this, but I need to start at the very beginning. And the beginning starts with one little tiny Gill.

You might never guess that little Gill would ever grow up and have a direct effect on one Michel Lotito’s life. But let’s just say Gill had a massive effect on Lotito. Michel Lotito, is an entertainer to say the least, as well as a man whose diet landed him in world record territory. Michel Lotito (AKA Monsieur Mangetout), has been eating, and get this folks, little else save metal and glass since 1959.

Michel Lotito attained his claim to fame by eating roughly 900 grams of metal every day for almost two years. In fact, it is estimated that between the years 1959–1997 Lotito had consumed around, and let me read this slowly for you, nine tons of metal. Anyone who is familiar with the Guinness book of world records knows of Lotito’s feats, for he has consumed bicycles, televisions, automobiles, and I hope you are paying attention now, a complete Cessna 150.

That’s including the entire engine.

Many may have thought that perhaps Lotito consumed all of this metal purely as a publicity stunt. But the real reason had little to do with drawing attention to himself, and had everything to do with why Lotito suddenly curtailed his unusual diet in mid-April of 1998.

For you see, our little Gill in her ponytails was all grown up in 1998 and Gill was gainfully employed by none other than the Pfizer Corporation. Little Gill had grown up to be Dr Gill Samuels, who is now properly attributed, with being the primary reason that a revolutionary new drug was released to the public in April of 1998, right around the time that Michel Lotito broke from his all metal diet.

What was this amazing new drug that Dr. Gill Samuels developed?

Well folks, that new drug was sildenafil citrate, and what you now know as...

Viagra.


And now you know….

the rest…of the story.

Paul Harvey

Good day.

While we’re in a फुच्किंग्स ्spending mood

In one of my more recent columns, I defended the expenditures required to set up the “Hippy museum” in Woodstock New York. Much of my decision to come down the side of largess was based upon observing the success we are currently having in Iraq now with the insurgents.

Somewhere around the beginning of summer, we started throwing large volumes of cash at the warlords who control the insurgency in Iraq, and the results have been impressive. While the number of people killed overall has not been reduced, the number people shot in the back of the head, as well as a number of American troops killed in action, has dropped significantly. Why should one split hairs over Iraqis shot in the face or stomach? A reduction is a reduction, not unlike the reduction in the rate of spending growth, versus an actual reduction in spending.

Personally all of this compels me to say to heck with fiscal responsibility, to hell with the virtuous position of refusing to make deals with terrorists. Most Americans claim to hold human life up on the highest of pedestals, so let’s back that up, and throw cash at Mohamed.

Much of what drives this is my failed attempt to win over the terrorists, by throwing virgins at them. Yes I started a nonprofit, whose sole purpose was to improve relations between our country and the aforementioned Islamofacists we all hear so much about. Dubbed “Virginity for Peace”, the idea was to uncover an adequate number of virgins, and convince them of the need to lose their virginity for the sake of world peace, and then properly distribute them to the appropriate terrorist in the field.

I figured this would remove “Death by High Explosives” as the middleman, as after all, the virgins appeared to be what the terrorists were ultimately after. It’s not like these Islamofacists have any reason to be pissed off at us, come on people, it’s not like we have ever done anything to them.

The problems began when the business cards came back from the printer, where instead of having the “Virginity for Peace” logo on top of the card, “Virginity for Piece” was printed in it’s place. While there was a slight air of accuracy about this misprint, it nonetheless foreshadowed problems to come.

To make a long story short, uncovering an adequate number of virgins proved to be more difficult than getting a correctly printed business card. It is not difficult to obtain virgins, but it is extremely encumbering to require that a woman be a virgin, as well as reasonably attractive. Then you have to factor in the part about how the virgins need to be Moslems. We only found one young lady and she was half-Jewish. Needless to say, the attempt was a complete failure, and so much so that I’ve even dismissed the seemingly worthy suggestion that a nonprofit be set up to teach young Arabic men how to get a date.

So now instead of spending cash to assure that an Islamofacist gets a fresh piece of ass, now I am fully behind throwing large quantities of cash at a terrorist, so that he will not blow up my ass. Hey I know what you are thinking, but throwing money at the problem is working for Bush, and you do not hear anyone bitching about it do you? What is more important to you, fiscal responsibility or saving a human life?

It’s not like we have been that damn frugal the last seven years anyway.